Pushed
by Litalainie
Summary: A bad start to their day pushes Castle, Beckett and others into discussing past events and how they impact on Caskett's future together. Assume spoilers for all season.
1. Chapter 1

"Ok, how many times can I say I'm sorry? It's not like I deliberately poured your coffee down your top. I totally did not see that speed hump coming. Why are you so grumpy today, anyways?

"_Grumpy, _Castle?" Beckett's eye spat fire as she stopped just inside the hospital's main entrance to face her slightly cowering partner. "'Grumpy' makes me sound like a cantankerous old Disney character. I am _not_ 'grumpy,' I am irritable. So far today I have burned my mouth on breakfast, stubbed my toe on the bathroom door, dented my fender when we parked at the precinct and gone up and down the stairs to homicide at lease five times because the bloody elevator is out. To round that all off I now have to interview a surgeon who is probably an arrogant sixty-something man with a toupee and a penchant for giving answers to my boobs, so yes... coffee down my top is exactly _just_ what I needed to put me in a better mood this morning." Breathing heavily in and out through her nose, Beckett continued to eye Castle with the same withering gaze until the writer hedged a question.

"Is there _anything_ I can say right now, that's _not _going to make things any worse? Oh..." Castle's eyes popped as he gently reached out to smooth his fingers across Beckett's wrist. "How about I go and get you another, bigger, better coffee at this awesome little cafe I know just around the corner, then I can meet you back at the surgeon's office upstairs?"

A small smile flicked in the corner of Kate's mouth as she rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said, as she twisted her wrist so that she could link her fingers through Castle's. He squeezed his fingers gently together in a loving hand embrace. "But, just so you know, you still have a lot to make up for calling me grumpy."

"Who's grumpy...and why do you smell like coffee?" Esposito quizzed, arriving through the electric hospital doors, Kevin Ryan at his side. Castle immediately turned to the dark-haired detective with widened eyes, begging the man to silence before quickly releasing Beckett's fingers and backing towards the doors.

"I'm gonna go and I'll see you up there in ten." He narrowed his eyes at Esposito before elegantly spinning on one foot. only to clunk straight into an oncoming elderly women being pushed by a surly looking orderly. "Sorry," he uttered, darting out the doors before he could do anymore damage.

"So who's having a worse day Beckett, you or him?" Ryan spoke up for the first time nodding his head in the direction of the fleeing author.

Beckett shook her head, "I'm gonna go and try get a couple of layers of coffee off of me, I'll see you guys at the elevators, 'kay?" Without waiting for an answer she headed for the ladies room.

Once in the bathroom Beckett took in the full extent of the damage to her top. "Thank you _so _much, Castle," she mumbled before unbuttoning her previously pure white shirt. She tugged the chain carrying her two rings over her head, placed them on the counter and reached for the towel dispenser. She knew there was no chance of cleaning her shirt properly in a hospital bathroom sink, but at least she could remove the sticky feeling from her skin. Wiping over her chest, Beckett heaved another sigh as she chastised herself for wearing a white bra. Rinsing off her chain and rings, she dried them in some clean towel, before beginning to redress. At least her hair was shorter now and she didn't have to deal with coffee-caked hair as well. "Small mercies," she said under her breath and after one final shrug at herself in the mirror, she turned to go find the boys.

"Lets just get this over with," Beckett said, causing Ryan to jump a little as she walked up behind him. "What floor did you say this Doctor's on?"

He looked at his notes. "His name is Neil Cotter and his office is on two but when we called through, his receptionist said he'd be on rounds at eleven so we'll probably catch him on eight now. Was that a lot of numbers? That sounded like a lot of numbers."

"Ryan, _what floor?_" Esposito voiced exasperation for both himself and Beckett.

"Eight. Gee, now who's grumpy?"

"You wanna see grumpy because I can show you grumpy right now if you want, Bro?"

"Guys," Beckett interjected, before starting towards the elevators, "let's just get this done so I can get back to the precinct and change my damn shirt." Beckett readjusted the scarf around her neck to cover the coffee stains as best as possible. "How's that look?"

Esposito and Ryan looked at each other a little confused.

"What, are we your fashion consultants now?" Espo's lip quivered into a smile.

Beckett stepped on to the newly arrived elevator before answering. "You kidding me, with your taste in 80's jackets and Ryan's taste in ties? No way."

"You're funny," Espo stated, stepping in behind her.

"What's wrong with my ties?" Ryan queried as the doors closed.

By the time the three detectives arrived at the eighth floor Ryan had given up trying to defend his choice in ties and had moved on to the ways hospitals gave him the creeps.

"All I'm saying is that any place that stores a whole lot of dead bodies in a basement should be treated with a healthy sense of apprehension."

"So, I guess Jenny will be having a home-birth then?" Beckett countered.

"She has talked about it, but despite all the cleansing she made us do before the wedding, I think when it comes to birth she's gonna go for all the hospital drugs she can get." The young detective chuckled as he pondered his wife's obvious contradicting healthy lifestyle choices.

"Speaking of drugs," Espo interjected, "nurses stations this way."

Weaving their way through the labyrinth of shiny white corridors, shoes squeaking and clopping (in Beckett's case) on the tiled floors, they stopped just short of the reception desk to formulate their plan of interrogation.

"It shouldn't be that complicated, really," Beckett began. "If you guys can check with the nursing staff about how long, when and who tended Munroe, I'll check in with the surgeon on the amount of medical knowledge that would have been needed to mess with our vic's pacemaker. Then I get to go change my shirt, yeah?" She posed the final sentence as a question but both men knew it wasn't.

"Yeah, just so long as you've got your priorities in order there, Beckett." Espo continued his teasing.

"Shut up and go find a nurse." Beckett rolled her eyes but at least some of her sense of humor was returning over the whole issue.

"C'mon Ryan, let's go _find a nurse," _Espo gestured to Ryan with quotation fingers in the air.

"You just had to make it sound dirty, didn't you?" Ryan returned with an air of superiority.

Beckett watched the men walk off to the left of the nurses station as Espo complained that Ryan used to be a lot more fun before he became all responsible, married and dad-ish. Shaking her head for the umpteenth time she walked towards the right to hunt down Munroe's surgeon.

Approaching the first person she saw at the desk, the detective introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Detective Beckett. I called through early this morning saying I needed to speak with one of your surgeons about a homicide victim."

The twenty something nurse looked up wide-eyed at Beckett's use of the word 'homicide.' "Homicide?" gasped the girl, "one of our patients was murdered?" She whispered the last word as if saying it too loud might bring the same fate down on herself.

"I'm afraid so, Nurse..." the detective paused briefly to look at the girl's name tag, "...Cooper." Beckett felt torn between pity and contempt for the nurse's obvious naivety about homicide statistics in New York. However, her quick glance to Kate's top reminded Beckett that she wanted to get this line of questioning over and done with, quickly. "The patient's name was Bob Munroe and he had a pacemaker put in here earlier this year. My colleagues are getting information on his treatment while he was here, but what I need is to speak to Mr Munroe's surgeon about who might have had enough knowledge to tamper with the device. Are you able to tell me where I can find Dr Cotter?"

Nurse Cooper blinked her big blue eyes and then appeared to snap back from whatever macabre acts she was imagining. "Um, yes Detective, the surgeons and their interns are in room 8D and they should be fini..." The young women broke off as she looked towards her right where a small group of men and women in scrubs had begun filing out through a doorway. "Oh there they are," the nurse continued, "if you hurry you might be able to catch Dr Cotter before he sees his next patient."

Beckett, mumbled her thanks and took off down the hall. She was almost to the group of surgeons before she realized she still had no idea which one of the group was Cotter. "Excuse me," she began, speaking loud enough to get their attention. "My name's Detective Beckett, I'm look for Dr Neil Cotter?" A sixty something older gentlemen stepped toward Beckett, but before he could speak he was interrupted by another voice.

"Kate?"

Beckett's eyes flew to the back of the group as a familiar face came in to view.

"Josh?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Beckett, mumbled her thanks and took off down the hall. She was almost to the group of surgeons before she realized she still had no idea which one of the group was Cotter. "Excuse me," she began, speaking loud enough to get their attention. "My name's Detective Beckett, I'm look for Dr Neil Cotter?" A sixty something older gentlemen stepped toward Beckett, but before he could speak he was interrupted by another voice._

_ "Kate?"_

_ Beckett's eyes flew to the back of the group as a familiar face came in to view._

_ "Josh?"_

* * *

"Josh, I.. uh.. I thought you were in Africa." It was all she could think of to say as intern and surgeon eyes seemed to be burning wholes in her pre-stained clothing.

Words whispered so quietly that Beckett couldn't be sure if they were real or just her imagination questioned, "Who is she? How does she know Dr Davidson?"

"I was." Josh's voice drew Beckett's gaze away from the staring physicians and back to her ex-boyfriend. "Yeah, but I've been based here now for about five months. Anyway, how are _you?" _And before she even blinked Josh had closed the distance between them and wrapped Beckett into his arms. "It's really good to see you, Kate."

"Um, yeah" Beckett mumbled into the Doctor's expansive chest. She was thankful that her black leather work folder at least gave her an addition layer between their bodies but it was only seconds before her level of physical discomfort was able to give her the mental strength to step backwards out of his embrace. "It's good to see you too, Josh." She smiled, not wanting to seem cold, or worse, insecure. However, it seemed that he had not picked up on either emotion.

"You look great," Josh stated waving his hand up and down Beckett's body like he was a model on _The Price Is Right_ and she was a part of the show case. "Everything's healed okay after the..."

"I'm sorry, Doctor Davidson, do you think you might be able to continue this reunion after we've concluded our rounds?"

Beckett released the breath she had been holding while internally thanking Doctor Cotter for not only interrupting Josh before he spoke the final word of that sentence, but also for giving her the opportunity to move on from this _really _awkward interaction. Giving a quick smile to her ex, Beckett stepped sideways before approaching the elder Doctor.

"I am sorry for the interruption, Doctor Cotter, as I said before, my name is Detective Beckett. I'm investigating the homicide of a man I believe was your patient - his name was Bob Munroe. I appreciate that you're obviously in the middle of your rounds but I really need to ask you a few questions." Opening up her folder, she passed a picture of the victim to Cotter, hoping to hasten the way to any answers he might give her.

"He looks familiar, but as you can see Detective, I have no shortage of patients. When did you say I treated him?"

"I didn't. My colleagues are at your nurses station attempting to narrow down the time of his last visit." Beckett gestured back behind her to the desk, glimpsing out of the corner of her eye an inquisitive expression on Josh's face. She knew who he was looking for, but it seemed that Castle was still not back with her coffee. Deciding to leave her ex to his questioning she refocussed on Cotter. "Actually the information I need from you is more the technical side of Monroe's treatment. Information about his pacemaker and the kind of medical knowledge it would take to tamper with the device."

"Well that's going to be difficult, Detective, seeing as I barely remember the man, don't have his file and I'm unaware as to how long he's had the pacemaker and the condition of the device. _And _once again, as you said, I am in the middle of seeing patients." Cotter gave half an insincere chuckle as he looked over his shoulder in a way that appeared to summon his interns to indulge in his mirth.

Suddenly any thankfulness she had previously held for the Chief Surgeon interrupting Josh was quickly forgotten. Cotter, aside from perhaps addressing his answers to her chest, was turning out to embody almost her exact earlier description of the surgeon to Castle, including, by the looks of the hair above his smug face, the toupee. Although the run-in with Josh may have thrown her a little she was certainly _not _playing Cotter's arrogant game for one second more.

"Doctor Cotter," Beckett smiled, glancing briefly over to the interns before coming back to steadily hold the chief's gaze, "a man is dead.."

"Yes, Detective, but my job, as you can see, is with the living." Cotter interrupted again and Beckett realized this must be his usual tactic when it came to putting those he saw as inferior in their place. His voice was as smooth as butter, not remotely raised and yet obviously commanding. However, she knew damn well he was not _her_ commander and she took a moment to sneak a look at Josh. Though they may not have worked out as a couple, they had been together long enough for him to bite his cheek as he held back a smile and shook his head almost imperceptibly, as he knew what a giant turd Cotter had just placed his foot firmly into.

Beckett rolled her tongue across the inside of her cheek readying it to twist cleanly around the words that were about to strike. She raised her eyebrows at Cotter, encouraging him to continue and, when he arrogantly smiled back, indicating he had nothing more to say, she took a minute step closer to the chief. Deliberately matching the timbre of his voice, she spoke. "_My job_, Doctor Cotter, is to find a murderer. A murderer who must have knowledge of cardio-thoracic medicine. A murderer who kidnapped Bob Munroe and then filmed himself torturing his victim by stopping and starting his pacemaker over and over again, until he eventually allowed the man to die. _So,_ you can help me with my inquiries here _or, _considering _your _obvious medical expertise, I can add you - and all you interns for that matter - to the top of my list of suspects, drag you publicly in handcuffs down to my precinct and then hold you for 24 hours. Quite frankly, as long as I get my answers, either scenario works for me. So, what's it gonna be?"

A distinct redness had steadily been rising up Cotter's neck as Beckett had spoken until the furious heat in his face threatened to blow the hair piece clear of his head. However, before he could interrupt with what Beckett was sure to be a garbled sentence full of expletives and threats, Josh stepped forward.

"Or, as an alternative, if it's okay with everyone, I think I remember the Munroe case, Neil." He directed his comment to the Chief and then putting his towering frame between the explosive doctor and Beckett, continued. "I could collect some files and information and bring it down to the precinct, Kate, if that would help?" Then, leaning forward, he whispered, "I'm really not keen on giving my boss mouth-to-mouth when he has the coronary you've just about given him." In spite of the discomfort she felt when Josh had again stepped into her personal space, Beckett couldn't help but smile. Fortunately her phone chose that moment to buzz in her hand, indicating a text had arrived and gave her a reason to step back from her ex in order to read it.

"I've got something when you're ready," was all the message from Lainie said and Beckett was suddenly reminded of her coffee-stained shirt, her desire to get out of it _and _the writer that put her in the whole predicament in the first place. _Where is he? _she said to herself, glancing over her shoulder to scan for him. Ryan and Espo stood at the desk, obviously done with their questioning of the nurses, but Castle was nowhere to be seen.

"Um, Kate?" Josh's voice snapped her out of her writer-search and back to the still boiling Cotter and his slightly petrified interns.

"Yeah, sorry Josh, that should be fine," and then, not able to let the arrogant Chief off entirely, continued, "presuming, of course there are no further indications that anyone _else _here at the hospital was involved in Mr Monroe's death, that is."

"Great," Josh agreed and smiled with what seemed like a little too much happiness. "Well I'll finish off rounds here, collect Monroe's patient files and I'll see you at the 12th in a couple of hours."

Beckett grimaced slightly at Josh's over-familiarity with the name of her precinct but now her comfort level was once again becoming far more centered around her overwhelming desire to get out of this damn hospital, getting the coffee she'd been promised and the new shirt she desperately needed.

Summoning a smile, Beckett turned to Josh, "Thank you _Doctor_ Davidson," she said, emphasizing the word 'Doctor' while looking sideways to where Cotter stood. "Your professionalism regarding this serious matter is very much appreciated by the NYPD. If you'll excuse me, my colleagues are waiting." Then, with one last nod to Josh, she turned and left Cotter to storm off to his poor unsuspecting patients, growling something about feminist hussies and whipping his white coat about as though it were a cape.

Beckett laughed inaudibly at the mental picture the boiling mad Doctor had left her with. At least she wasn't the _only _one having a bad day now. However arriving back at the desk, her smile disappeared when she saw Ryan and Espo. The former briefly caught her eye before suddenly finding something incredibly interesting to look at down the corridor, but the dark haired Detective, looked distinctly pissed.

"What?" Beckett questioned, perplexed by the behavior of the two men. Neither answered, but Espo's eyes moved from hers to a large takeaway cup that sat, untouched on the nurses station. The color drained from her face. "Oh crap! Just tell me he didn't get here right when Josh hugged me?" She looked pleadingly at her partners.

This time it was Ryan who met her eyes. "He said he just remembered that he had writing to do and left"

Before Beckett could confirm what exactly of her interaction with Josh Castle had seen, Espo jumped in, his eyebrows raised accusingly. "_What the hell, Beckett?" _ he whispered, in a way that felt to Beckett a lot more like a yell.

His question angered her. "What d'ya mean, Espo, It's not like I planned on running into Josh, I didn't even know he was in the country." After the morning Beckett had had and her almost explosive run in with Cotter, she was definitely _not _in the mood to be interrogated by her friends. With that she picked up the coffee on the counter and started off down the corridor toward the elevators. The two men followed silently behind. Halfway down the hall she stopped abruptly. "He seriously just dropped the coffee and _left?" _She turned on the detectives, hands on her hips. "Why would he over-react like that? For crying out loud I deal with his exes _all _the time!" Pulling out her phone she briefly looked at the screen and then thrust it in Espo's face. "He could have at least texted me! Why would he even care that I just happened to run into Josh, a _Doctor _in a _hospital, _on a case we're all working _together? _I mean, if he hadn't thrown my first coffee down my top, he wouldn't have _needed _to feel so guilty that he had to race of to get me another and he would have been _with _me when I _accidentally _ran into Josh." Beckett took a slow, deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. Her biggest problem was she wasn't sure whether her tirade was invoked by her anger at Castle for disappearing or her own guilt. Either way she was thoroughly confused. "Why would he just leave?" she almost begged of her friend. "He know's I'm with him? Everything we've been through... it's always been him."

Taking a small step forward, Ryan shrugged. "I wouldn't get too worried about it, Beckett," he said, obviously feeling a lot more understanding now that he knew she was not remotely thrilled about running into her ex.

"Yeah," Espo smiled, following his partner's lead. "It was probably just a knee-jerk reaction to the last time he ran in to Josh in a hospital corridor," but the smile quickly fell from his face at Beckett's expression. He looked to Ryan who frowned in answer to Espo's silent question.

"Castle didn't tell you about what happened, with Josh, after... after you were shot?" Ryan asked.

Beckett shook her head.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I know you all know that I know I don't own anything of Castle and yet posting a new chapter without a disclaimer somewhere always seems to feel a little naked.**

**Thanks a lot for the follows, favourites and reviews. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up with this rate of update but hopefully I won't be too far off weekly.**

**Cheers.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Taking a small step forward, Ryan shrugged. "I wouldn't get too worried about it, Beckett," he said, obviously feeling a lot more understanding now that he knew she was not remotely thrilled about running into her ex._

_ "Yeah," Espo smiled, following his partner's lead. "It was probably just a knee-jerk reaction to the last time he ran in to Josh in a hospital corridor," but the smile quickly fell from his face at Beckett's expression. He looked to Ryan who frowned in answer to Espo's silent question._

_ "Castle didn't tell you about what happened, with Josh, after... after you were shot?" Ryan asked._

_ She shook her head._

* * *

Beckett leaned against one of the bare hospital walls. She rested her head back and sucked in a slow deep breath, almost as if she was trying to draw strength from within the structure that held her up. After a moment she looked from one man to the other, questioning each with her eyes before the words could make their way to her lips.

"What didn't he tell me, guys?"

Ryan slouched his shoulders and, agitated, shuffled his feet on the tiles as though he was trying to scratch an itch with his shoes still on. "He really never told you anything, Beckett?"

"We don't tend to talk a whole lot about our ex's." She raised her eyebrows at the boys and dipped her head slightly, incredulous that they would think that _any _couple would talk that much about their ex's.

"Yeah, but it's always been different with you and Castle, right?" Espo attempted to explain. "Gina's always around and Meredith drops by... we just kinda assumed you two talked more than normal people."

"Normal people?" Beckett smiled. "Thanks Espo."

"You know what I mean, Beckett, It's not like you two ever did things the easy way."

"You're changing the subject, Espo. What happened between Josh and Castle?"

"Maybe, we should let him explain," Ryan offered. "I mean, if he hasn't told you yet, maybe he has a reason and it's not our place to say."

"Well you know what guys, it's been over two years and he hasn't said anything yet. I didn't have the slightest idea that he had any issue with or over Josh at all. Obviously I know he didn't love the guy. The "Doctor Motorcycle Boy" nickname was a bit of a giveaway. But then again Castle and I have never been really great at the whole talking about the big issues thing."

Beckett huffed a long deep breath through almost sealed lips, making herself look a little like a cute, but grumpy, ape. However, the gesture seemed to renew her strength in spite of her confusion and frustration. She pushed off the corridor wall and started back toward the elevators.

"Ya know, Beckett," Espo spoke, smirking as he followed her, "this is really more a Lainie thing. She was there and she handles you better on these things."

Beckett stopped abruptly and turned on the men. "She _handles _me better?"

Espo's eyes popped as he grasped the true stupidity of what he had just said. "_No..._yeah.._._I mean..."

"Better yet," Ryan postured, as Espo breathed a sigh of relief at the interruption to his rambling excuses, "talk to Castle." He raised an eyebrow as though the answer should have been obvious to both Beckett and his bumbling partner. Then with a shrug of his shoulders, swaggered past them and pressed the elevator button. "Thank you, by the way," he said, staring straight ahead while waiting for the doors to open.

"For what?" Espo grunted, slightly annoyed that Ryan was taking the higher ground.

"For reminding me how lucky _I_ _am _to be in a healthy relationship." The smugness emanating from his voice, however, only lasted a second before he was rubbing the back of his head. He readied himself to hit Espo back as he turned, but stopped when he realized the head slap had not come from him.

"Beckett!" he whined, setting himself back at the bottom of the pecking order with just his tone of voice.

"Ha. Serves you right..._Honeymilk_," Espo taunted, himself now swaggering through the just-opening elevator doors.

* * *

The three friends rode the elevator down in silence, though Ryan continued to rub at his head trying to smooth out his bruised ego. Not that they could have continued the discussion with more people joining them as they stopped at every floor on the way down.

As the doors opened at ground level, the hospital that had been relatively sedate when they arrived seemed to have hit some kind of peak hour. They were barely able to disembark the elevator before a young woman carrying a screaming toddler pushed into the elevator and, as they walked towards the main doors, they had to separate in order to dodge between the heavy traffic of wheelchairs, walking wounded and visitors carrying flower arrangements so large they looked like some kind of exotic walking plant species.

Finally they made it to the relative safety of the hospital car park where the traffic was, ironically, less busy than inside the building.

"Guys, my car's this way, I think I'm gonna meet you back at the precinct after I've gone home and changed my shirt. If Gates asks..."

"We'll tell her you're following up on another lead." Ryan finished her sentence knowing full well that if she was going home to change she would hopefully try and catch up with Castle somehow, which would mean it'd be a while before she made it back to work.

"Thanks," Beckett smiled, grateful that they'd known each other long enough for unspoken truths to pass freely without wordy explanations. "Um, if Josh gets back there before I do could you just get as many details as you can on the level of medical know-how that Munroe's killer had to have? I'll get back there as soon as I can."

"Sure thing." Espo spoke to Beckett's back as she turned to walk to her car but held a hand level with her head as a final nod of thanks.

"Man, I hope that she at least calls Castle if she's going home to change. Things get so weird at the precinct when they're fighting. Even before they started going out it was weird... What?" Ryan stopped his musing abruptly when he caught the cock-eyed look that Espo was giving him.

"You do _know _that they've been living together ever since she got back from DC, right?"

"Really? I knew they were together a lot but..." realization dawned across Ryan's face. "Oh, that's why we were at Castle's place for Beckett's birthday. Oh _man_ I'm just so turned around with thinking about Jenny and the baby. _Wow! _Living together. That's a big deal. Does Gates know?"

"I dunno," They'd reached their own car and Espo stopped for a moment before opening his door. Narrowing his eyes he lent on the car and tapped the key to his chin. "Yeah, I don't think so." He continued nodding his head to confirm his thought. "She's been so busy focussing on getting the 12th's case closure rate back up that she's barely had time to insult Castle let alone care if he and Beckett have moved in together."

"Them living together shouldn't be a problem for Gates though, right? Ryan questioned. "I mean she knew they were together way before we thought she did _and_ she did say that as long as they were professional about their relationship at work she could turn a blind eye...it's not like they're getting married or anything obvious like that though."

"_MARRIED?! _Shit, slow down Ryan... they only just moved in together a month or two ago... as if they'd be getting married! You sure you haven't actually caught your wife's 'pregnant brain'?"

"Hey!" Was all Ryan managed to exclaim before Espo yanked open the driver's side door and disappeared from view into the vehicle.

"Hey yourself," Espo continued to rant when his partner joined him in the car. "Why do you always go to the extreme, Bro? When she got the job in DC you thought she was pregnant and now you assume, just because they're living together, they're gonna jump straight to marriage?"

The dark-haired detective gave Ryan one last shake of his head before turning the key and, looking over his shoulder, backed out of the car park.

"I don't know," Ryan said, dropping his head into his palm and then running his thumb and forefinger across the bridge of his nose. "I didn't even pick up on them living together so what do I know... _but, _come to think of it... why _do you _always totally overreact whenever I talk about someone getting married or having a baby? Sure you don't have some deep seeded issues going on there, _Bro_?"

"You know what, you've definitely caught Jenny's pregnant brain. I'm not even talking about this with you anymore. So when did that nurse say Munroe was last admitted?

* * *

Beckett whispered a quiet 'Thank God' as she found a park right out front of the Loft. She'd had a smooth trip though the traffic and now finding a park out front seemed like a good omen that her bad day was finally improving. Reaching an arm behind her she remote-locked the car and then shoved her keys in her pocket as she walked through the lobby doors, heading for the elevator. Once inside she pressed the button and began tugging the scarf from her neck which caused her to accidentally yank the clasp of the chain holding her rings across her skin. Reaching behind her head she undid the catch and allowed her rings to fall into her hand just as the elevator doors opened. With rings in one hand, scarf in the other as well as her case binder under her arm, she hoped that Castle would pull his usual trick of hearing her shoes clop on the hall floors and open the door before she could even start to fish for her keys. He didn't disappoint.

"Thanks," she mumbled as she pushed past him and then, turning, she held out her arm with a closed fist until Castle reached up with an open palm to take whatever was in her hand. Dropping the chain and rings in his hand she then turned and walked straight to the bedroom, unbuttoning her shirt one handed until she was able to throw her binder and scarf on the bed.

"Um, Beckett?"

"What," she said gruffly as she pulled her arm out of the top, dropped it to the floor and then reached behind to undo her coffee stained bra. However, before she could unsnap the back she stopped when she saw the expression on her fiancé's face.

Castle looked from her to his hand and then back to her again. His mouth slightly open but his brow truly creased. "I get that your probably pissed about me leaving the hospital without talking to you, but did you seriously just give me back your engagement ring?"

* * *

**A/N**

**Sorry this is a little later than I hoped it would be. I'm not completely comfortable with this chapter, I really want to get to the Castle/Beckett conversation, but then again wanted to show how much Ryan and Espo are affected by Caskett's actions. Anyway, I hope it all reads ok.**

**Thanks to my awesome Beta, D, who no matter how crazy busy he is ALWAYS finds time to proof these chapters before I post them. I love you, my Heart.**

**Disclaimer: Pretty much like EVERY other author on here, I wish, hope, dream and pray that one day I'll get to write for a show as amazing as Castle...Alas, I'm not yet, so all these beautiful characters belong to the ingenious creators of Castle and their Captain AWM.**


	4. Chapter 4

_"Um, Beckett?"_

_ "What," she said gruffly as she pulled her arm out of the top, dropped it to the floor and then reached behind to undo her coffee stained bra. However, before she could unsnap the back she stopped when she saw the expression on her fiancé's face._

_ Castle looked from her to his hand and then back to her again. His mouth slightly open but his brow truly creased. "I get that your probably pissed about me leaving the hospital without talking to you, but did you seriously just give me back your engagement ring?"_

* * *

Beckett stood frozen in place, looking back into Castle's eyes, which were now beginning to shine with dampness. He held her gaze for what seemed like an eternity until finally his eyes and head dipped as he looked once again at the jewelry in his hand. She couldn't take the silence anymore and, moving towards him, ducked her own head attempting to catch his eyes again.

"Castle... I..." But what grabbed her attention first was not his eyes but the distinct upwards twist in the corner of his mouth. Frowning she stepped back again and as she did, Castle's face rose - a now obvious crack to his lips - though he was still attempting to hold back the smile that was bursting at the seams.

"Oh, you bastard," Beckett exclaimed, moving back towards him but this time with an outstretched arm that landed firmly on the writers chest, shoving him backwards.

"Oh come on Beckett." Castle, now openly laughing, rebounded back off the wall he had landed on when she pushed him. "You've got to admit, that was pretty suspicious. A women walking though the door, barely saying a word and then just handing her fiancé her engagement ring."

"Yes, of course Castle, because that _is_ how all people break off engagements these days; by passing their fiancé an engagement ring to _hold _while they start taking their coffee soaked clothes off?" She didn't wait for him to answer but stepped right in front of him and gave him another lighter, more playful push before turning and heading back to the bathroom to turn the shower on. "You're such a jackass sometimes," she called out loudly over the sound of the running water. When she was finished adjusting the taps she walked back to the doorway so she could seem him. "You're right, though," she said a little softer, holding his eyes with her own, "I was pissed about you leaving the hospital without telling me."

She dropped her gaze again and began stripping off the remainder of her clothes so that she could get into the shower. As the glass fogged and the water streamed over her body, she felt her muscles begin to pop out of the knots her wretched morning had woven them into. She desperately wanted to stay in there for the rest of the day, but knew the boys could only cover for her for so long. Once Beckett was certain all the coffee was washed out of her hair and she finally felt human again, she shut off the water and stepped out.

"You just been standing there watching me shower all this time?" Castle had moved to lean on the door frame and was just gazing at her.

"I firmly believe in the whole 'write what you know' principle, so watching you is pretty much a job requirement. This is news to you? After 6 years? Hmmm, I wonder if that makes the shower tax deductible?"

Beckett wrapped the towel around her and pushed past him. "Out the way, Perv, I gotta get dressed again."

Castle moved to let her past and then, following her back into the bedroom, flopped himself onto the bed. "It was just weird...," he said, propping himself up on an elbow, eyes following Beckett as she moved around the room collecting various items of clothing. "Seeing you with Josh, you know?"

"No, Castle," her voice wafted from the walk-in, "I don't know and that's our problem. It's the problem that keeps coming up for us." Beckett re-emerged from the wardrobe and dumped all her clothes on the bed so she could see him as she talked and dressed. "We're together, in this committed relationship, we're getting married, for goodness sake, and yet we still don't talk about these really important things. I get that you don't wanna hang out with my ex - I don't particularly like hanging with yours - but running away without even _talking _to me? That seems like a total over reaction."

"But..."

"Yeah," Beckett continued, not allowing Castle's attempt to defend himself. "I get there was more to your reason for leaving Castle. _Now _I get that, I mean the boys said it was a knee jerk reaction to seeing me and Josh in a hospital, so I guess I get _some _of it."

"They didn't tell you any more than that?"

"No, they said it wasn't their place and ... they're right." She sat down next to him and looked him in the eye. "When..." steeling herself to go on, Beckett inhaled deeply, "when you said - just before you asked me to marry you - you said you'd had to scratch and claw to get to know me... and _you _were right. I know I lied about the job..." she put her hand up to stop Castle from interjecting, "and I know we worked that out and that you said no matter _what _I decided and then we tried DC and it didn't workout. I know we agreed on all that and ... and that that is why we're here, now, back in New York and living and working together again. But the thing is, the scratching and clawing is still going on and it's not just you, Castle. There's things where _you're _not letting _me _in. Too many things."

The couple sat silently for a moment as Beckett caught her breath after what seemed like a mammoth monologue. Eventually it was Castle who broke the silence, sitting up so their shoulders aligned. "You're right," he said, reaching out to interlock his fingers with hers. "I spent so long playing the joker, Beckett. It was easier than letting people in." He turned his body so that he could take both her hands. "But you're different, Kate, you always have been, it's why I kept chasing you, and pushed and pushed til you let me in. I'm just not sure I know _how _to let _you_ in... not without switching to my default setting and making jokes."

"Well," Beckett said as she stood and headed for the dresser, "I've said I'm in this, Rick." She picked up her engagement, held it up and twisted it between thumb and forefinger, showing it off. "I said, I'm in this, when we both sat right here after that first night." She sat back beside him on the bed, "I said, I'm in this, when I said yes by the swing," she slipped the ring on her finger, "and I said 'I'm in this' when I moved back from DC _and_ _instead _of renting another place of my own, I moved in here when you asked. I'm not going anywhere Castle, _but, _this relationship," she moved a finger in between their bodies to include them both, "is not going to be what we want it to be unless you're brave enough to let me in and I'm brave enough to start pushing."

"How do I just change the default setting I've had for a lifetime, Beckett?" he asked, taking her hand back in his, playing with the ring on her finger. "I honestly did not even think about leaving you at the hospital today. I saw you with Josh and I just took off. Like autopilot or something."

"I don't know, Castle, maybe we just start slowly, one thing at a time."

"One thing at a time?" He looked into her eyes, seeking clarification.

"Yeah, one thing, tell me one thing, like you could maybe start with what transpired between you and Josh that propelled you out of the hospital like a rocket this morning?" She smirked at Castle, knowing that she was making light of what was really the catalyst for this _big _conversation. "_But,_" she said standing, "you can tell me in the car on the way back to the precinct." She reached down pulling him to his feet. "_And_ I need you to come back there with me, Castle. I may not know yet what happened between you and Josh and I get if you don't wanna come in the room with me, but I need him to see you there. I want him to know that you've always been there, not just for me, but I think that maybe _you_ need _Josh_ to know that you're still with me. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, but on one condition?" He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her question.

"What?"

"I'll come with you, and I'll tell you about Josh, but," Castle raised her hand drawing it to Beckett's attention, "I need to know why our friends don't know we're engaged yet. I get that you're wearing the ring around your neck because you don't want Gates to know, but why haven't we told the boys yet, or even Lainie. It just seems ... overly cautious."

Beckett took a moment staring at the white gold band on her finger before she met Castle's eyes. "I'm not sure if I have a _complete _answer to that, Castle, but you're right, it's definitely one of the _many _things we should be talking about."

"'Kay," Castle heaved an exaggerated sigh and slumped his shoulders theatrically as he headed towards the door. "Let's go see Dr Motorcycle Boy then."

Reaching down to the bed, Beckett grabbed her case binder and picked up her coat, feeling the pocket to make sure her keys were still there. However, as she walked through the front door, which Castle was holding open for her, neither noticed that Beckett had completely forgotten the golden band was still in place on her usually-bare left hand.

* * *

**A/N**

**Sorry this has taken a while, I've been ridiculously ill and just the thought of typing made me dizzy. Oh well, whinging over and I'm almost back to my (somewhat) normal state. :)**

**Disclaimer: I CANNOT WAIT to see what the real owners of this splendiferous series have in store for us in Season 6.**

**Thanks again to the awesome D for editing as always. You're a coolest of Cool Dudes D McD.**


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